In an attempt to reduce the number of abortions in the UK, ministers are proposing that young girls use Long Acting Reversible Contraceptives (Larcs) in the form of injections or implants. Right, because people must have sex, therefore more contraceptives must be provided. Yes, ministers, that all makes sense.

And by maintaining (if not increasing) the amount of sex, as the availability and use of contraceptives would no doubt encourage, pregnancies can somehow still be reduced. Right.

And by the way, this is coming from the health department which presumably is concerned about the health of UK citizens. So, by administering Larcs to young girls, which presumably alters the natural hormonal cycles of their bodies, how does this affect their health? As well, setting aside the intrinsic evil of contraception, and setting aside the question of the user failure rate, Larcs do not prevent or help prevent disease. Since sexual activity will most likely not drop due to the implementation of Larcs, STIs will probably not drop either. So again, how does all this affect the health of youngsters?

Finally - here's a classic - according to some health department spokesman:

"Larcs have virtually no failure and are therefore particularly suitable for women with a high risk of unintended pregnancy."

High risk of unintended pregnancy. Yes, one youngster could risk meeting another youngster of the opposite sex; then the two go to some place of convenience, unintended of course; and then the two take each others' clothes off, unintended still; and very much unintended and completely by accident, the penis is inserted into the vagina, let us reiterate, quite unintended; this is followed by a series of unintended (pelvic) movements, which, unintended and completely by accident, generates pleasure inducing friction; then finally, quite unintended, the state of orgasm is reached, the guy ejaculates, that one definitely unintended, and the girl accidentally and without any prior intent gets pregnant. Yeah, sorry, I didn't mean to get you pregnant, it was an accident, it was unintended. Sorry.

Well, now that I think about it, I guess pregnancies can be unintended. Yes, ministers, more contraceptives please.