Have you finished your Year 12 exams? For Question 2 in the Specialist Maths Exam: did you get "6" as the answer? Anyway, ready for some senseless partying? Got those tasteless Vodka Cruisers ready?

Well, the Victorian Government, in their typical enlightened state, have provided some information for those attending Schoolies; you know, the usual info concerning drugs, alcohol, organizing accommodation etc.

Let's go to the Sex section because that's almost always a guaranteed laugh riot.

Under the subtitle Are You Ready?:

Sex is a physical way to express love and affection for someone. Being in a sexual relationship can be very rewarding and enjoyable.

Aww... How sweet... I can just hear that symphony orchestra and choir warming up.

Oh wait, hang on, this is directly followed by Safe Sex.

Safe sex is always a good idea. The basic rule for safe sex is to avoid blood, semen or vaginal fluids from entering your body unless you know for sure that your partner is not carrying an STI. You cannot tell by looking at someone whether they have an STI or not. Be aware that you have a right to insist on safe sex.

Yeah, thanks for clearing that one up. Did you get that?

Let's go through it again: sex is a way to "express love and affection for someone" but safe sex "is always a good idea" because one needs to protect themselves from someone they're showing affection to. Right, and that makes sense because?

And here is another classic: "You cannot tell by looking at someone whether they have an STI or not." Well, that's true. I could just imagine a conversation between two youngsters regarding this issue.

"Are you infected with an STI?"

"No. Are you?"

"No, just making sure."

"Well, that's good."

"But we're still gonna use a condom. I mean, I believe you and all that but still..."

So, if you want to avoid catching STIs, it's always a good idea to use condoms and dental dams while engaging in sexual activities, because they always work. Right.